Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
