Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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