Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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