trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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