She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
