If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
