he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
