I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
