So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
