I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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