yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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