the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So squirting runs in the family.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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