I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
