i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Let's paint friendship bongs
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
