ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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