You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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