She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
