he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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