Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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