How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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