Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
