And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
