We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
