So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
