Pants 0. Shit 1.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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