We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
