matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
