if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
