How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
