oh god the rape fog is back!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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