stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
