Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My ass is underappreciated
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
