Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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