Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
