Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
