I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
