I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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