John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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