But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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