dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
