Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
