Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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