rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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