My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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