i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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