Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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