So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize