I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
