it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Still dying that you shit outside
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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