All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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