I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
