The panties match.
I'll be right there.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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