I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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