Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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