Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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