i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
