yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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