I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
