Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
