she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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