wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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