marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
