hotel room ftw
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
