Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
