You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
