I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
