My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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