i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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