Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
