if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just had sex bonerless
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
