Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
