I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
