Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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